Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Danger, Will Robinson, DANGER!

As I made my breakfast this morning, some giggles escaped as I recalled a surreal sight from a few days earlier.

It was pouring rain as Newf and I drove through the city. Suddenly, my eye caught sight of a senseless senior standing in her driveway. She was a tiny thing with tightly curled white hair, and every other attribute one would assume a cute little old lady to have (including the tight-lipped grimace).

The woman stood firmly planted in a puddle, both hands tightly grasping a mighty and massive leaf blower. For whatever reason, the lady was hell-bent on blowing the wet leaves clumped and congregating in her driveway.

At first glance, the whole scene seemed merely silly, not stupid. Why this lady needed to clear leaves from her driveway on a sopping wet, soaker of a morning was questionable, but certainly not crazy. What was a little nutty was the fact that this lady was using an electric leaf blower. Not a word of a lie - this woman stood soaking wet, gripping her blower with gut-so, a long yellow extension chord trailing from the blower to the nearest available electrical outlet.

Did I mention it was raining really hard?

As I described the scene to Newf, interchanging chuckles with concern, he matter-of-factly glanced in my direction and said: "Lindsay, when you get to be that age you just don't give a fuck anymore."

Fast forward to this morning. As I made my breakfast, I couldn't help but be saddened by the idea of a funky, fearless lady who no longer cared about her safety. That's exactly when my bagel got stuck in the toaster.

Naturally, I grabbed a fork to fish it out.

I looked at the fork, and then looked at the burning bagel as said, "Fuck it, I'm going to fork it."

Let's just say that I lived to tell the tale. My breakfast was saved - and that little lady got her driveway cleared. It was a lesson well-learned: sometimes, rules are made to be broken.

Sounds good to me.

Your dangerous diner,


PS. Please let me stress that this is a humorous piece, and is in no way meant to suggest that holding electrical equipment while standing in a puddle (or in any way covered in moisture) is a good idea. Please do not try this at home.

PPS. Just in case, I should also stress that inserting metal objects into electrical appliances is also a bad idea. You can try this at home, but don't hold me responsible if you die or get harmed in any way. You may also ruin your hair.


  1. Haha! I love this little anecdote. You're a wonderful storyteller.

  2. Oh, thank you so much for the comment!

    I haven't posted much lately, but I'm always lurking. :D